A compilation of a 100 very similar conversations I have had with my brother. 

(Note: All italics should be read with the most annoying whine possible, complete with drawn out syllables. À la Dr. Cox on Scrubs. Practice until it drives someone insane. Did it force someone to grind their teeth so hard the enamel came off? No? Then you aren’t there yet. Don’t worry if you can’t quite get the right level of annoyance, the Brat has had 22 years to perfect it. I think the Dept of Homeland Security wants to study him to see if that whine could be used for interrogation purposes. I guarantee the suspects will talk just to make him stop!)

(Train- “Drops of Jupiter” fills the room from the iPod dock…)

the Brat: “That song is like, five years old!”

Hawkeyegirl: “…And?”

the Brat: “Why do you never listen to anything new?! You’ve listen to the same crappy songs forever!”

Hawkeygirl: “I listen to lots of new stuff, I just tend to like the older stuff better. And five years is not old…”

(Song changes…Taylor Swift- “I’d Lie”)

the Brat: “God, what is this crap?!”

Hawkeyegirl: Country, Taylor Swift. She’s new too!”

the Brat: (Pantomiming beating his head against the wall, which I find hilarious since he used to actually do that when he was three) “GAH, WHY?! Why do you torture me?! And since when are a 13 year old cheerleader? Or a cowboy? Isn’t that who listens to this crap?”

Hawkeyegirl: “So what the hell do you want me to listen to?”

the Brat: “Good shit.”

Hawkeyegirl: “…”

the Brat: “Like…”(blahblahblah I tune him out, I’ve heard it all before) *

Hawkeyegirl: (Song changes again… to Nickelback- “Animals”) “Ooo, I love this!”

the Brat: (Head Explodes)

An hour later…
(Garth Brooks- “Thunder Rolls” wafts through the house, the Brat appears and starts cooking something…)

the Brat (singing): “…the thunder rolls… and the lightning strikes…”

Hawkeyegirl: “HA! This song is old and country and you are singing it!”

the Brat: “No no, see, this song is a good song, great even, so it doesn’t count.”

Hawkeyegirl: “So let me get this straight… if you like it, it doesn’t matter how old or cheesy or country/pop/Canadian rock- sounding a song is, its ok to listen to, but if you hate it, it blows musical monkey nuts?”

the Brat: “Exactly, I know good music, sis. Music is my life.”

Hawkeyegirl: (Head explodes)

*(He lists bands I’ve never heard of and will likely never hear of again, unless I make the mistake of grabbing his iPod instead of mine. They all have random ass names, like Tangerine Swordfish Disco Car or Purple Monkey Dishwasher. They all play loud growl-ly shit that is impossible to understand or, worse they all play angry emo indie stuff that makes most people want to pop their eardrums with a shard of glass. But that is all you can listen to, if you are a music snob. That and classical music, but only certain kinds, and you have to talk about the genius of Bach or whatever. I kinda feel sorry for him, or I would if he hadn’t created this persona for himself. You act like a snotty little bitch you’ll have to face the music-Ha HA!)

Title Credits: The Simpsons, of course Episode Quotes – Rosebud 5.04