Archive for the 'Writing' Category

Nobody knows my sorrow

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008

Call me Vespa, Princess of course.

I have to get out of here. I can’t stand this place anymore. This job, this city, this state, this region. I just can NOT deal.

I accepted the fact that I wouldn’t be loved here. Without trying to be judgmental or arrogant, and honestly I’m not- I knew coming into this that the type of person who enjoys and excels at office work and the like is usually not a person with whom I can agree. Of course it isn’t all-encompassing and I realize that I am stereotyping a bit here but in general it’s the truth. (gee, hedging much?)

With a small handful of exceptions- mostly those in my same position, working for the money and looking for our glory elsewhere- the people here do not like me. I am willing to take on some of that burden with certain people. I know I can come off wonky sometimes- but here’s the kicker folks- I KNOW I DO THIS AND ACTIVELY STOP MYSELF FROM GOING THERE.

I refuse to talk politics, religion and country music at the this place, and yet its like they all KNOW without my having said anything that I am agnostic at best, hate organized religion, am more liberal than these people think anyone outside California can be, enjoy ‘alternate’ music, support abortion and gay rights and look forward to the day when I can say, “See I told you I wouldn’t change my mind as I got older and ‘learned’ about life!”

I guess these lovely people here can read minds, because they HATE me. I avoid grammar snobbery here for the express purpose of avoiding the whole “I have a degree and you don’t,” thing that people seem to think I run around saying in my head. See I made this monster mistake about two years ago when I started here and they won’t let me forget it. Someone asked me where I went to school and I responded. I know, what a bitch am I? Don’t I know better than to say I went to U of I when they ask me the motherfucking question?!?

So what am I supposed to say when someone asks me how to spell ‘decision?’ How about the fourteen times a day I get asked to fix someone’s computer? I tried, I really tried to say I didn’t know or couldn’t help, complete with self-deprecating smile. What happened you ask? They gave me the Evil Eye and stalked away, to mutter with someone about how I was unwilling to help people and was being a bad team member. Really? Fuck your damn team. Fuck them to SpaceBall I and back.

The sad thing is, as I get ready for a four hour piece of hell, where if I forget my manners and pronounce ‘masonry’ correctly I’ll be ostracized, it’s like this everywhere in this damn state. In the whole fucking Midwest. The vast seething majority with their litters of children with too many y’s in their names and ‘green’ SUVs and savings accounts that actually have money in them because they get the raises and the bonuses for kissing so much corporate ass while anyone who may not fit the mold is pushed and pushed by narrow minded, gossipy, two faced mind readers who will wave cheerily as they kick your ass to the curb.

I hate the Midwest, so very very much.

I hate this job even more.

It doesn’t matter what I do, no matter how innocuous the conversation, no matter how hard I try not to act in a way that might be perceived as arrogant. (It’s not arrogance people! I don’t think I am better than ANYONE! Just because I choose to use grammar correctly and can fix a few glitches does not make me smug, cocky, snobby or any other vaguely erotic adjective.) It doesn’t work, I still get dragged into offices to discuss my excellent (mind numbing, monotonous) work and poor attitude. Why didn’t I go out for drinks with the girls? Why don’t I chat with the new people when I fix their computers? Why my boss didn’t even know I had a dog!

Fuck you. (Ooooooooh! Is THAT the attitude?)

I’ve spent the better part of my life trying to live up to the ’she’s so smart’ rigmarole I’ve head since diapers. I don’t believe in myself, not like I did when I was a kid. It sucks and its something I am working on, but what that means is, I may overcompensate a bit, but only ever with people I know. I’m too sure other people are so much smarter than me; I keep my mouth shut unless I’m sure of the answer. I hate hearing myself say that because it isn’t me, but that’s another post. Anyway, basically this ‘work’ experience has screwed me either way. I’m fucked if I answer questions correctly of fix a computer, because then I’m an arrogant bitch who thinks I’m so smart. If I play dumb, I not only feel terrible about myself, reinforcing the ‘you are so stupid’ vibe I get from myself, but they just treat me the exact same way! Like I enjoy being ignored and scorned (I love rhyming).

I know what you’re thinking. I am way over the top here, feeling sorry for myself. I normally don’t give a flying fuck what these people think about me and to be honest I don’t care. But for two years I’ve struggled with the complete shun/whisper fifth grade gossip crap and I’m sick of it. And a little scared too.

Am I really so bad a person no one in a huge company wants to speak to me? Am I really so stupid/cocky/self-centered people avoid me at all costs? Do I smell bad? Am I an idiot for letting these people get to me or are they right?

God, I am not acting like myself at all.

May I please have a cheeseburger?

Monday, February 4th, 2008

I hate LOLCat speech.

HATE.

I don’t care how granny-ish that makes me.

HATE.

Lalala

Monday, February 4th, 2008

Yeah, long time and all that.  Moving on.

My newest way of avoiding writing/cleaning hobby is crochet.  Once I finish my octopus, I’ll post a picture.

I’m waiting to be an aunt.  It’s hard to believe that the little boy I’ll always think of as nine years old is going to be a dad.  Nutty.

The Packers lost.  I hate Eli Manning.  After his draft stunt I’ll never root for him, even if hell freezes over and they trade him to the the Pack.

I’m lovin’ American Idol right now.  I can’t help it.  I’d rename the blog “Tool-Girl” but I think everyone’s figured that out already.  I love Simon, I love crappy singers and I love being a tool.

Be prepared for some short posts.  I’ve decided to post just a few words if that’s all I can come up with, so forewarned and all that.

My cat is driving me nuts, as usual. 

I got a comfy new blanket.  On clearance too! 

Mom’s in San Diego, over her birthday.  But not for her birthday- she’s there for a conference of some sort.  Given the ice storm this morning, I’d say she picked a good time to go.  Still, She goes to classes and conferences about every month for the last few years.  Ever wonder why the Army sucks up so much money?  Armor?  Weapons? Medical Supplies?  Nope, it’s sending everyone all over the country so they can get together and drink, sightsee and of course hold meetings that decide/teach absolutly nothing.

Winter is starting to get on my nerves, comfy blanket or no.  Not a week has gone by since Novemeber where we haven’t been pounded with some combonation of ice/snow.  And don’t give me that, “Well, you’re in Iowa what do you except?” shit.  In the past ten years, I don’t remember a winter even half this bad.  Definitely not one that had snow on the ground for three months straight.  Buy some energy-efficent lightbulbs and cars people.  This global warming shit is making me nuts.

I’m in a mood today, can you tell?

Read it, Believe it, Live it

Friday, July 13th, 2007

Easily the most vivid, powerful, inspirational piece of political writing this decade.  Makes me want to roar everytime I think about it.  No more hedging people!  Wear it loud and proud! See the original at tomatonation.com/?p=677

 

Yes, You Are  

feminism n (1895) 1 : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes 2 : organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests — feminist n or adjfeministic adj Above, the dictionary definition of feminism — the entire dictionary definition of feminism. It is quite straightforward and concise. If you believe in, support, look fondly on, hope for, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist. 

Yes, you are. The definition of feminism does not ask for two forms of photo ID. It does not care what you look like. It does not care what color skin you have, or whether that skin is clear, or how much you weigh, or what you do with your hair. You can bite your nails, or you can get them done once a week. You can spend two hours on your makeup, or five minutes, or the time it takes to find a Chapstick without any lint sticking to it. You can rock a cord mini, or khakis, or a sari, and you can layer all three. The definition of feminism does not include a mandatory leg-hair check; wax on, wax off, whatever you want. If you believe in, support, look fondly on, hope for, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist. 

Yes, you are. The definition of feminism does not mention a membership fee or a graduated tax or “…unless you got your phone turned off by mistake.” Rockefellers, the homeless, bad credit, no credit, no problem. If you believe in, support, look fondly on, hope for, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist. 

Yes, you are. The definition of feminism does not require a diploma or other proof of graduation. It is not reserved for those who teach women’s studies classes, or to those who majored in women’s studies, or to those who graduated from college, or to those who graduated from high school, or to those who graduated from Brownie to Girl Scout. It doesn’t care if you went to Princeton or the school of hard knocks. You can have a PhD, or a GED, or a degree in mixology, or a library card, or all of the above, or none of the above. You don’t have to write a twenty-page paper on Valerie Solanas’s use of satire in The S.C.U.M. Manifesto, and if you do write it, you don’t have to get better than a C-plus on it. You can really believe math is hard, or you can teach math. You don’t have to take a test to get in. You don’t have to speak English. If you believe in, support, look fondly on, hope for, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist. 

Yes, you are. The definition of feminism is not an insurance policy; it doesn’t exclude anyone based on age. It doesn’t have a “you must be this tall to ride the ride” sign on it anywhere. It doesn’t specify how you get from place to place, so whether you use or a walker or a stroller or a skateboard or a carpool, if you believe in, support, look fondly on, hope for, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist. 

Yes, you are. The definition of feminism does not tell you how to vote or what to think. You can vote Republican or Libertarian or Socialist or “I like that guy’s hair.” You can bag voting entirely. You can believe whatever you like about child-care subsidies, drafting women, fiscal accountability, Anita Hill, environmental law, property taxes, Ann Coulter, interventionist politics, soft money, gay marriage, tort reform, decriminalization of marijuana, gun control, affirmative action, and why that pothole at the end of the street still isn’t fixed. You can exist wherever on the choice continuum you feel comfortable. You can feel ambivalent about Hillary Clinton. You can like the ERA in theory, but dread getting drafted in practice. The definition does not stipulate any of that. The definition does not stipulate anything at all, except itself. If you believe in, support, look fondly on, hope for, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist. 

Yes, you are. The definition of feminism does not judge your lifestyle. You like girls, you like boys, doesn’t matter. You eat meat, you don’t eat meat, you don’t eat meat or dairy, you don’t eat fast food, doesn’t matter. You can get married, and you can change your name or keep the one your parents gave you, doesn’t matter. You can have kids, you can stay home with them or not, you can hate kids, doesn’t matter. You can stay a virgin or you can boink everyone in sight, doesn’t matter. It’s not in the definition. If you believe in, support, look fondly on, hope for, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist. 

Yes, you are. Yes. You are. You are a feminist. If you believe in, support, look fondly on, hope for, and/or work towards equality of the sexes, you are a feminist. Period. It’s more complicated than that — of course it is. And yet…it’s exactly that simple. It has nothing to do with your sexual preference or your sense of humor or your fashion sense or your charitable donations, or what pronouns you use in official correspondence, or whether you think Andrea Dworkin is full of crap, or how often you read Bust or Ms. — or, actually, whether you’ve got a vagina. In the end, it’s not about that. It is about political, economic, and social equality of the sexes, and it is about claiming that definition on its own terms, instead of qualifying it because you don’t want anyone to think that you don’t shave your pits. It is about saying that you are a feminist and just letting the statement sit there, instead of feeling a compulsion to modify it immediately with “but not, you know, that kind of feminist” because you don’t want to come off all Angry Girl. It is about understanding that liking Oprah and Chanel doesn’t make you a “bad” feminist — that only “liking” the wage gap makes you a “bad” feminist, because “bad” does not enter into the definition of feminism. It is about knowing that, if folks can’t grab a dictionary and see for themselves that the entry for “feminism” doesn’t say anything about hating men or chick flicks or any of that crap, it’s their problem. 

It is about knowing that a woman is the equal of a man in art, at work, and under the law, whether you say it out loud or not — but for God’s sake start saying it out loud already. You are a feminist.  I am a feminist too. Look it up. September 30, 2003

Work in Progress

Tuesday, June 5th, 2007

I was ten when they took our freedom.  Being a child of course, I barely noticed.  All I knew was my mother cried and my father could do nothing to console her.  Then the men came and told my father to ‘behave’ and my mother to ‘think of her country.’  At ten, it was difficult to understand why my parents were being told what to do, like children.  It wasn’t until I was fourteen that I truly understood.  My mother was sick.  Many women in the town we lived in were sick, that much I knew, and once they got sick, they were kept in the palace and no female could visit them.  Fresia, the girl next door had cried to me about it repeatedly.  Her aunt and sister were both in there, and she could not visit.  In fact, women were not allowed to go within half a mile of the palace, which was difficult, given that nearly all the town shops were nestled in its shadow.  Men had to do the shopping, men had to do the trading, for women could not go near any outsiders, for fear of contamination.  Whatever the disease was that ravaged a woman’s body, it was incurable and deadly, and as easy to pass on as a cold. 

            When they came for my mother, they beat my father.  The tell tale blue welts had appeared on my mother’s body for ten days before the court Physician recognized it.  So much for magic.  They stripped me carefully, eyes shrouded with worry.  No welts, no bruising, no weight loss.  I was in perfect health.  Still, they discussed bringing me in.  Finally, the Chief Physician looked me in the eyes.  “This one has too much potential, I’d rather not risk her.  If she hasn’t caught it, maybe she’s resistant.”  They decided to keep me locked at home for a fortnight, just to be sure.   I had plenty to do anyway, caring for my father’s injuries.  Bruises so like my mother’s I nearly wept.  I knew I’d never see her again.  

            The entire continent of Andera had been swept by the Woman’s Illness.  Only, in most areas, those under the Ruvien Empire anyway, suffered little.  At least relative to our small kingdom.  Tren was the last significant hold out from the Empire.  Completely autonomous, and yet still completely under the Empire’s thumb.  Economoically, there was little Tren could do.  We had our assests, of course.  That was why the Empire still attempts to buy us to this day, nearly two hundred years since the first Emperess, Ru, began her take over.  The secret of course, was that she never really fought to take over any of her lands, she simply used her well developed financial mind to buy loyalty, and eventually crowns.  The thousand tribes of Gwern, in the northern half of the land, those she had to skirmish with a bit, but only until their supply of southern wine dried up.  Then it was simply a matter of black market dealings and underhanded scams that led to the down fall of the great civilization.  Of course, there are still a thousand tribes, complete with chiefs and collectives.  All of which fall under the empire, and the Empress. 

            But not Tren.  In the midst of her landgrab, Empress Ru took special care with us.  She married her son to our Royal line, let him father children, then attempted to take control.  But her son, deeply in Love with his foriegn bride and adoptive country, put her off.  She tried to force him back, with her typical underhanded manner of kidnapping.  He easily avoided it.  Then she attempted something even more under handed, she kidnapped his middle daughter, Flera, named after the Treninan Hero queen.  Still, Rohan would not yield.  He knew she would never harm the child.  And while he grieved for his daughter, knowing he’d never see her again, he would not relinquish his hold. 

            And so Empress Ru stayed her hand.  She raised Flera as her own, and in her own image, forgoing even her twin daughters for love the child.  Though naturally she did not completely stop attempting to undermine Tren’s economy, for all appearances, she had made an uneasy peace with the fact there would always be one small- and very rich- land she could not have. 

            Until her deathbed, when she cursed the land, using her considerable store of magic, she cursed her son, his wife and all the people of Tren.  No one knows what the curse was, but most believe it is that curse which holds us hostage today. 

            Since the curse, girl children have been scarce among our folk, scarce now to the point of great joy and celebration upon a live birth.  It was a gradual thing, at first, not even noticable for the first few generations.  Then it became more drastic.  Woman began dying in childbirth much more often then before, and alwys when birthing girl children.  Those children rarely survived.  Twin pregnancies became more prevelant, however, and many thought that meant an abatement of the woe.  Not so, for twin births are risky at best.  With the new rise in childbed deaths, twins became even more so.  

            Then, the first women began to get sick.  It began first in the Palm Islands.  About forty woman died of a mysterous illness, and roughly a hundred others fell ill.  Dark blue welts and bruises, as if they had been beaten, would appear.  Followed shortly there after by extreme weightloss, hair loss and even limb loss.  It was as if they were being tourtured.  Still, many women survived, with nothing more than scars.  Some lost limbs, but kept their lives.  

            Then the disease spread to the mainland, where it ravaged the country side, where trained healers are not nearly so prevelant.  Many died, but the plauge was short, only three months long.  Those who died were very young or very old. 

            Finally, the mountainous regions, isolated by the severe winter that year, were hit as soon as trading began in spring.  Tren nearly became extinct. 

All that remained after that hideous first summer of disease were girls barely budding into womanhood, seemingly immune to the condition.  All women of firm child bearing age died, all older women who had birthed a girl died.  Finally, the youngest children began to die, most not of the disease, but of neglect.  Without mothers, wet nurses or Physicians, for at that time, only women were allowed to become Physicians, children died in droves, boys as well as girls, but almost always it was the girls first.   That is what was the true wake up call for the population.  Before the Disease, it was a well known fact that boychildren were somewhat weaker than their female counterparts.  Particularly at birth and just after.  It was not a truly significant amount, for girls never really out numbered the boys, given that so many women died in childbirth in the natural course of things. 

            When Empress Ru built her empire, she did so to prove that anyone with wit and intelligence can accomplish anything, that you need not be born into power to attatain it.  According to the official history of the Ruvian Empire, Empress Ru was born an unwanted preistesses daughter, created in an act of sacralige, for she was also a Preists daughter.  To compound the sin, she was tossed out into the cold at only a year old, her sinful mother unable to bear the sight of her.  Thus exiled, the toddler made her way four miles to the nearest town, where she was picked up by a simple baker and raised, not with love, but with unkind words and blows, put to work from before she could remember.  From here she grew, and in stolen moments, learned about her land and the people in it.  With nary a penny to her name, she left the baker’s home in her eleventh year.   Somehow she made it across the three great rivers and to Stonewall, the haven for wizards, scholars and entertainers.  There she bullied, or persuaded the great School of Ren to accept her, despite her humble stature.  This managed, she fought tooth and nail with classmates and instructors who stood in her way.  These were the Thirty Great Stories, told to children of how the Great Ru managed to overcome such ordinary hardships as bullies and jealousy.  Thus graduated, the newly named Ru’an’ Ren searched for a patron, and found one in the great Merchant Prince, Trego.  Enamored of him and his son, whom she took to bed, she studied yet more at his knee, of politics, trade and the running of a country.  Soon, Trego designated her his heir, above his son, who went mad and killed himself from shame.  In three years, Trego was dead and Ru ran his trading company with a firm hand.  Within five more years, she had achieved a place on the Trading Council and then, without a hint of her plans, she began to buy heads of state from around the continent as well as her fellows on the council.  Now the unwed Mother of three children, normally such a shamed position in the conservative eastern states, Ru put her final plan into action.  By the age of 33, she had declared her she Empress of the Eastern States, all of whom, through financial burdens or actual heartfelt love, followed her blindly.  She began her non stop whirlwind of underhanded deals and purchases of great and small kingdoms. 

            When she married her fourteen year old son, Rohan to the fifteen year old Sherran, niece to the ruling, heir-less King of Tren, she cemented what she thought was the last of the major kingdoms into her power.  However her son soon showed his own stubborness and will was a match for his fearless mother.  Given traditional training in the art of the sword, pen and mine, he came to love this land as his own.  In the Empire, children of a certain class are taught business skills, politics, money management, never anything so common as battle skills or the art of the written word.  Here in Tren we admittedly neglect the teachings of the finer things, prefering that which is most useful to the average man, so that no one, high or low doesn’t understand where they came from.  The sword for strength, for honor, for the blood of those who foght and still fight for the land we adore.  The pen, for the history, poetry and heartsongs that remind us of those before, of the events and moments that shaped our land.  Finally, the art of the mine.  Rich ore viens flow through our land like rivers.  Sapphire, ruby, opal; all dragged from the open sores on the land.  Silver too, and of course, gold.  We have farms of course, and a small inlet to the sea, with a fair bit of shipping and the national food, greenfish.  But nothing makes us prouder, or more vunerable then those precious mines.  Legends states that when he was eighteen, the future King Rohan began touring these mines with his father in law, a Grand Duke and chief trader for the largest mining guild in the land, he took one look at a rich vein of cherry opal (our national stone, as it can be found nowhere else) and said, “My mother can never have this, or the world will weep.”

    Eight generations later, we sit, buried under a dead woman’s thumb.  Through the force of those wicked, well worked plans, the Eastern Empire (a misnomer now, as it encompasses the former Western Kingdoms as of ten years ago) rules us as sure as if the Empress herself lived here.  We don’t pay tribute of course, oh no.  In fact, we do not even pay taxes for the Imperial roads, stocked with home grown Imperial gaurds.  Instead we sell to the only buyer on the continent.  At rates that would have boggled the mind a mere century ago.  Tren, at its height, could never feed itself from the sparse arable land within its borders.  Too many were needed in the mines for more than a tiny fraction to devote themselves to working the land.  Instead we did as the rest of the world did, we traded.  Golden wheat for glittering jewels.  Stocks of beef, cheese and butter for the precious gold to make coin.  Even the cloth our women had no time to make, were imported from faraway cities and kingdoms with which we had cordial, if not friendly relationships.  Honest dealing Trenians was cliche.  A little backwards maybe, with laughable arts and almost no science or scholarship; but honest still and wealthy.  We traded our hardwrought resources and at one time, we traded women.  It wasn’t slavery, as the Empire now claims in their skewed history.  It was always the the free choice of the women involved, and indeed it was an honor many sought. 

They Might Be Giants could totally write my theme song

Friday, November 17th, 2006

Life is seriously unfair. 

I’m writing absolute crap, not too stunning a revelation I know, but it’s bugging me, not because its crap, but because I can’t seem to get in the groove.  I’m behind- like nine thousand words behind- and it’s looking less and less likely I’ll catch up.  I’ve got a week off coming up; I’d better put down the Star Wars books and get my ass to work. 

I expected to feel some blockage, but damn, none of my brilliant plotting seems to be holding up.  I keep swerving off on tangents, getting lost in exposition, creating copious amounts of back story- basically anything I can do to avoid plotting.  That’s always been my weakest aspect.  I can wax eloquent with the best of them about settings, characters, back story, I just can’t create anything exciting.  These people have been living in my head for YEARS and they just don’t do anything! 

Frustration much? 

I know I shouldn’t complain, I just get so damn annoyed with myself.  Then I get depressed and ignore my writing blah blah blah.  Willpower has left the building my friends. 

So I broke my “No fiction until December” rule and starting reading some Star Wars novels- ever since I won $100 on the Star Wars slot machine my old obsession has reared its head.  The writing it pretty mediocre, but the stories are great.  I’m not huge on Sci-Fi as a rule, usually because I have a difficult time picturing the gadgets and gizmos described, which takes a lot out of the book.  That one of the few place my overactive (but apparently unexciting) imagination fails me.  But Stars Wars is easy to picture thanks to Mr. Lucas and I love Wookies.  The good thing is, it’s not interfering with my own story.  It’s also calming me down when I get into the “I hate myself” mode and keeping me just in the edge of creation mode, as I think about all the ways I could make the writing better. 

Damn, what an ego.  These folks are all published writers and here I am, with an ass load of exposition and fourteen main characters, thinking I can write better then they can.  Sometimes I think I’m just a little on the far side of the sanity divide. 

Reading: Star Wars 

Listening: Anything heartbreak-y, as I’m still not over the EF split 

Shopping: none, I’m broke 

Watching: Super into Supernatural (see what I mean, CRAP!) 

Playing: Nothing, no time 

 

We must move foward not backward, backward not upward and always twirling, twirling, twirling!

Saturday, November 4th, 2006

Moving forward (not backward) writing is still going strong. 5000 words and more. It’s going well, as seen by the excerpt below, but not perfect. There’s a lot of stuff that needs work, way to much exposition for one thing, but just remember, it’s supposed to be that way. I’m going to a wedding this weekend out of town, then going to write my ass off with my day off. I’ll post another excerpt when I can. Also reading a new book, non-fiction so it doesn’t interfere with the story, I’ll post more on that later.

*

She was alone.

Rhie sat, her eyes closed, listening to the pleasant whispers of animals and insects as dusk fell over the grey-black mountains she’d lived in for the last week. As she sat, calming the whirlwind of emotions just being on a Hero-marked island had caused, she heard, faintly, the sounds of her two Teerlian guides breaking camp, then sneaking away with what they thought was her bag of tools and concoctions. In fact, it was full of leaves and rocks with no use, except that they were spelled with an unpleasant odor that would stay with the thieves for weeks, possibly months, depending on their bathing habits.

Sighing, Rhie let her mind focus once again on her task, now doubly hard, but somehow she still felt a sense of relief to have the two men gone. She was searching for the almost extinct plant known as Starweed in these parts, or Silvertounge in the northern edges of the country, where she had been raised. The plant was well known in myth and legend for being able to cure almost anything. It had been all but extinct for nearly 150 years, supposedly wiped out by the Sea Wars, which, despite their common name, actually took place mostly on land. In fact, between the massive grass and forest fires set by both armies and the prodigious use of medicinal herbs native to the Silver Lakes and surrounding areas, Rhie was surprised that more plants hadn’t gone extinct.

As she sat cross-legged in the dying light, new, more intense feelings began to arise in her, as they did every night about this time. Owanee, the Twilight Heroine, rules this time, the union between the day and night, the flow of powers stronger than either separately but not a blending, no, a totally new power created from the old. Like a child, part mother, part father, but ultimately the part that rules is that which is unique to the child itself, that which has no real source but Chance. Dusk took on a magic unique to itself, part day, part night and yet neither.

These thoughts danced in Rhie’s head as the sun’s last rays touched the thick line of clouds on the rocky horizon, firing them in the heat of unmatched shades of pink, red and orange. Owanee was not Rhie’s Patron, but still Rhie knew how to feel for the heroine’s influence and the young demigoddess let Rhie feel her power. She never let her touch it, but merely allowed her a glimpse. It was always like that. There where at least eighty heroes, each with their own provenance and most would let Rhie see their power, see the gifts they bestowed upon those chosen mortals who would walk in their footsteps and follow their teachings, and some were even allowed wield their power and do their will here on earth.

That was how Rhie ended up here. She could feel and see the powers around her very young, almost as long as she could remember. She spent her childhood with her Mother, traveling from town to town, pedaling wares with the market trains that crossed the entire Empire, from the snow chocked Northedge, to the great Western Desert, across which lay the small country of Inuana resting on the coast of the Green Sea. Everywhere that Rhie traveled, she learned new stories about the Heroes, sometimes even learning about new ones, those Heroes rarely spoken of in ‘civilized’ company. Her mother may have encouraged Rhie’s desire to learn about the Heroes they worshipped secretly, but Rhie rather doubted her mother would have approved of her learning the sordid tales of Teria the Seducer or Hippete the Joyous or especially the notorious Erian the Pirate. Nevertheless, Rhie’s young mind was insatiable for new stories. Whenever she heard a new one, she tried out her connection to the Hero as soon as possible. Like reaching for Owanee at twilight, she almost always got a response, but never the one she wanted. She would get tacit acknowledgement most of the time, a peek into their energy and power if she was lucky. The world flowed with power, Rhie had been taught since she was born, and her life energy was a part of that flow, given to her by her parents and the will of the Mother Fate. Sometimes though, certain lives are Touched by one of the Holy Ones, or Heroes and so affected when they appear in the world. The Holy Ones are special souls, created by the Eight to perform certain tasks or lead people when they most need it. After they shuck their mortal coils, the Heroes are gifted with a special place in the world between Heaven and Earth if they so choose, so that they can affect the world of mortals, but not directly. They must use acolytes, Priests or Priestesses, or rarely, mortal souls given great powers with which to do their bidding for them. To these Avatars, the Holy Ones give gifts and powers connected to their particular skill or talent. Sehan the Healer, for example, when a mortal, gave the gift of medicine knowledge to the peoples of the world, and his chosen were given the gift Healing in many forms, from being able to see the illness, to the ability to divert pain, even the ability to physically heal. All the Heroes gave such powers to their chosen, to some degree, yet the Avatars were given something more, some near to their own powers, but adapted to the times in which the Avatar was living, to bring the specific help that was needed right then. Some even spoke to their chosen in some way. Yera the Seer did so through the omens of the future her Avatars read.

*

NaNoWriMo Rocks!

Thursday, November 2nd, 2006

2500 words in one night baby! Oh yeah, I rock! NaNoWriMo rocks! Everybody rocks!

Can you tell I’m in a mood?

You’d think being dumped by a friend, and a long term boyfriend, a cancer ridden nephew, the distinct chance my state will be run by a republican next year and a miserable job would all equal depression… but you’d be wrong!

None of that matters in the least. Why you ask? Because I can WRITE! I know, I know, I can write whenever I want. Why is this such a big deal, if I was a real writer I wouldn’t wait till November to really let go-blah, blah, blah.

NaNoWriMo is different. The idea of the chill November air crackling with ideas as tens of thousands sit down at the computer/typewriter/notebook. It feels so good knowing a thousand others are struggling with the plotline, one dimensional characters and bland settings, all while you are too. It just feels… right.

This is my month people, my time. NO ONE will come between my and my book.

Last year I didn’t finish because I let life get in the way. Now, that is not going to happen. As far as I am concerned, life doesn’t exist until December.

2553 words and counting…

What a Wonderful World

Wednesday, July 26th, 2006

So I haven’t posted in a while, but I’ve been thinking about it.  Honestly, I think about it almost every day, but due to my insane work schedule and extreme lack of an internet connection, I just can’t seem to find the time.  Hell, I barely find the time to shower.

Moving on, let’s see what is new in my life.

*I’ve been checking out web designs to get some ideas for this place.  I really want to update the format a bit.  I’m taking suggestions by the way.

*Searching for a grad school, Brown is the top contender for the moment, but I may be shooting a little high there.  Who cares, I may as well try, it’s only 70 bucks, and my fragile ego. 

*Studying for my GRE, see above.

*Not watching nearly enough baseball- but hearing waaaaaaay too much about the AllStar Game.

*Reading yet more anthologies and short stories, but not too many good ones.

*Trying various methods of getting a good night’s sleep; herbs, reading insurance text books, soothing music, staring at the TV laughing at the least funny show I’ve ever seen (in the form of Yes, Dear) from total exhaustion.  Insomnia is a bitch.

*Trying  to decide if I want to go down the Rx path again for the above issue, I hated it last time, but it worked.

*I’ve collected two years worth of writing together into a binder so I can get some of the old juices flowing, but seeing as I have almost no spare time, who knows where that will go.  On the plus side I found some of my high school research papers, “Aztec Trading and Merchant Classes” good stuff!

That’s pretty much it, beware forth comming tirades against the state of country music, crappy writing and not being able to find a job.