No, I don’t know what is wrong with the site or why it is loading funny, I’m working on fixing it…

Reading: Skimming books I haven’t seen in a while as I pack, there is a TON 

Watching: True Blood on DVD and So You Think You Can Dance? (I can’t wait for cable!) 

Listening: Matt King- I’m totally obsessed with him right now! 

Shopping: Target, for boxes and duct tape 

Playing: The “how many books can I fit in this box?” game, it’s a blast 

I promised a friend I’d update so here we go… I’ve got four lined up for the day, but until I finish moving, this will probably be it for a few weeks. And yes, I’ve got ghost hunting stuff to finish writing up, just give me a little more time…
 

So I’m moving into a house with the Boy. Some days I’m so excited I can hardly stand the wait, other days I want to slap myself and scream ‘What the fuck are you thinking?!”
 

This is a big step, a huge step for me. I’m giving up any semblance of financial independence and it is scary as hell. The fact is I can’t afford the house we are moving into on my own. I could make it work for a month if I had to, maybe even two, barely. Other than that, I’m screwed. So while I trust him and don’t actually believe he’d ever leave me like that, just the idea that I can’t afford all the bills makes me feel nauseous.
 

It’s difficult to explain why I feel this way. Some of my friends instantly ‘get’ what I’m talking about and others stare at me like I’m a lunatic when I try to explain how anxious this situation makes me. See, I now have to rely on the Boy to keep the bills paid, and there is really nothing I can do about it, except keep trying to find a better paying job. I feel useless and needy and just generally icky whenever I think about it.
 

Also, the loss of my own space is scaring me silly. I LOVE living alone. I love having all my stuff wherever I want it, with no one else’s opinion to worry about. I am a greedy, selfish, spoiled person and that makes it really hard to live with someone.As the Boy will tell you any chance he gets, he is giving up the opportunity to ever live on his own. This is a Big Thing to us both. I’ve offered him multiple chances to put things off for a year or two so he can revel in the joys of being completely alone, but he declines. Still, having lived alone the last two years, I know how great it can be. It’s going be an enormous adjustment for me to live with other people after all this time. We both will have our own ‘rooms’ away from our joint bedroom, which I hope will go a long way towards easing me into the change.
 

With those two major issues you’d think I’d be dreading Moving Day, but there really is a lot of positives and I am excited to move forward with our relationship. More space is a definite plus, it is a better location for both of us and much cheaper than living separately too. There are other things I’m concerned about, like chores and money and the fact that it isn’t just the two of us, but I think it’ll work out. I don’t think it’ll be easy by any means, but it I’m hoping it’ll be worth it in the end.  I’m just preparing myself for a bitch for a transition.

Yes, I went a month without posting. I suck. There are plenty of things to blog about- another ghost hunt, a trip to a paranormal conference, many new books to review etc. Things are a bit crazy right now- we’re trying to find a place to live and I’m searching fanatically for a new job (that’s another post). Therefore I’m just updating the now playing info until I have a second to breathe.

Watching: So You Think You Can Dance? has replaced AI for my weekly TV night with the girls. We are walking too! So proud of us. Oh, I am liking Burn Notice but don’t have cable or reliabile internet, so I rarely see it.

Listening: M79 by Vampire Weekend and Mosquito by SR-71. Also the Naked Scientist Podcasts

Shopping: Nothing right now

Playing: Bowling on the Wii, sometimes Boxing

Reading: Santa Olivia by Jacqueline Carey, while I wait ever so impatiently for Namaah’s Kiss

So I had a pretty good weekend, had my birthday party a bit early (the actual day is next Monday) but for a variety of reasons we had it early. I got to see some people I hadn’t seen in a while, meet some new friends and generally had a drunken good time. I also made an ass out of myself on numerous occasions, but I suppose that is to be expected. Afterall I can barely maintain my composure sober sometimes, alcohol is a guarentee for stupidity.
Other than that our ghost hunting team had a meeting, where we were lucky enough to get a new member. More about that later- we have another hunt sceduled in two weeks.
I have a big decision to make, about moving. It’s complicated and doesn’t just effect me, so I have no idea what is going to happen, but I may be moving in  a few months.
I am really pushing hard to get a new job. I check the web every other day or so, I’ve rewritten my resume a few times, hoping something, anything will pop up. I’m not making nearly enough money and while I realize the economy sucks monkey balls right now but I know I have the education and experience to do at least a little better than this piece of shit company is willing to give me. Any help is always appriciated, if you see anything. I am willing and even eager to move out of the state, or even the region, so if you see some awesome job for a anthro grad somewhere on the west coast… wishful thinking, I know.
I miss Mom every day. This rebuilding my life thing sucks.  I’m so effing tired…sleep is harder to get then a mortgage these days.

Title Credits: “The Mansion Family” Episode 12, Season 11

This is late, I planned on having it posted on Sunday. Here it is, a belated birthday ode to my beloved. It fails at its objective, just as I predicted. Oh well, I tried. It’s difficult to describe deep emotions. I have multiple posts started regarding various strong emotions, many that will probably never be finished. But as The Boy’s 30th birthday approaches, I wanted to try, at least, to explain something of my feelings towards him. I will fail, miserably (what does it say about me that I set out to do something, knowing failure is a foregone conclusion?) and probably rewrite it sixteen times trying to get it right, but still I feel like it’s something I have to attempt. 

There are a lot of little reasons people fall in love. It wouldn’t be hard to sit here and wax poetic about his endless blue eyes or the neat, comfy way I fit in his arms or even the way his laughter erases the stress I don’t even know I’m carrying- it’d be easy, but it’d be a cop out. It’s harder, much, much harder, to put words to the deeper connections, the ones people don’t talk about a lot because it is so very hard to describe. I’m going to try. 

http://www.desmoinesregister.com/article/20090403/NEWS/90403010

What a FANTASTIC day to be an Iowan!